It had been a while since I had been to confession. Correction: I had successfully avoided confession for a couple of years. And yet, there I was, standing in line for confession at a youth conference. With a queasy stomach and sweaty palms, I kept trying to construct ways of wording my sin that would avoid naming what I had done. I didn’t want to say those words. Maybe for guys it was easier, they’re confessing to a man! But as a girl, my shame had kept me stuck in the sins of masturbation and porn and out of the confessional for most of high school.
I wish that in that moment I had known what I know now: confession is a place of victory, not failure, shame, or guilt. Maybe you’ve avoided God’s mercy too…. If you’re a woman afraid of the sacrament of reconciliation, I’ve got three reasons you don’t need to fear confession
1. The Priest has Heard it Before You are not alone
. Other women do fall into sexual sin. While body image, friend problems, and unhealthy relationships may be the only things we hear about in women’s sessions, it would surprise you how many women are silently struggling with sins they can’t even speak out loud. The priest will not be scandalized or shocked that you sinned in this particular way. There is nothing truly unique about sin. It’s all just a fruitless attempt to pacify our desire for the Father’s love with cheap substitutes.
2. Mercy Brings Freedom
Do you ever feel just really stuck in your sin? Brining sin to the light of Christ’ mercy frees us and thwarts the cycle of sin. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that, “…grace must uncover sin so as to convert our hearts and bestow on us righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Like a physician who probes the wound before treating it, God, by his Word and by his Spirit, casts a living light on sin”(1848). Jesus meets us in that mess. He probes our hearts in order to heal us.
3. Jesus Desires Mercy
We spend so much time focusing on our weakness and the ways we have fallen that we forget how desperately the Lord desires our hearts. He sees all your mess and doesn’t just love you in spite of it; he loves you because you’re a mess. Jesus told St. Faustina, “Be at peace, my daughter, it is precisely through such misery that I want to show the power of my Mercy. What joy fills My Heart when you return to me. Because you are weak, I take you in my arms and carry you to the home of My Father” (133; 1486).
Flashback to the high school girl waiting in line for confession:
Sooner than I would have liked, it was my turn to go. I stumbled over to the folding chairs and sat in front a young priest. He looked tired, but his eyes were kind. The words came out quickly. “Father, it’s been, like, a really long time since I’ve been to confession, and I’m super nervous and I may or may not puke.” And in that moment even though I didn’t realize it, Jesus gave me the grace to make a good confession. I didn’t sugar coat anything. I didn’t avoid the awkwardness. The priest wasn’t scandalized, I received Christ’s mercy, and I was free. It wasn’t the last time I confessed falling to those addictions, but it was the beginning of the small, possible steps through which Jesus led me out of my slavery.
My Challenge to You
If you’ve been avoiding confession out of fear or shame or embarrassment, I get it. Jesus desires to free us, and if you’re reading this, somewhere deep down in your heart, you want to be free too. So be humble in the true sense of the word. Allow Jesus to love you just as you are through the sacrament of Reconciliation. Christ’s love and mercy is endless. You have nothing to fear.
Source: http://theporneffect.com/blog/post/what-its-like-confession-porn-as-a-girl
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JESUS DESIRES MERCY!!
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